Thursday, May 31, 2012

A few notes on our satanic symbols

We have received a few confused reactions to our use of inverted crosses and pentacles in our promotional material.

1. Why do we use an inverted cross? Isn't that the Catholic symbol for St. Peter?

Yes, this observation is correct, but we believe this is a perfect symbol for satanism for the following reasons:

First, jesus does address Peter as Satan in Matthew 16:23. Read in context this passage is even more instructive to the Satanist as Peter is trying to talk jesus out of embracing martyrdom and this is what jesus rebukes him for. While we admit that the inverted cross to Catholics refers to the myth of Peter refusing to be crucified upright as jesus was, we believe we're entitled to a little artistic license on this matter.

Second, to invert a symbol is to reject what it stands for. The cross represents selfless martyrdom, as well as the brutality of the Roman Empire. It is a symbol glorifying death and misery, and we reject this.

Third, the inverted cross is widely recognized in popular culture as a satanic symbol, and in keeping with our Satanic Virtue of Laziness, why make our message more difficult to recognize that it needs to be?

2. Isn't the pentacle a neo-pagan symbol? What does it have to do with Satanism?

We admit that our critics have a point on this. But we believe using it as we do is completely appropriate.

As with the inverted cross, most people recognize the inverted pentacle as a satanic symbol, and Satanists, artists, and musicians have used it as such for at least 40 years.

To many neo-pagans, a downward pointing pentacle symbolizes putting earthly things before spiritual things. To others it symbolizes taking power from the gods. We see both these interpretations as the essence of Satanism. We put worldly things before heavenly things, and we intend to take power from the gods while we refuse to return it to them.

But we understand the confusion this may cause, and so we always try to include the phrase "Hail SATAN!" on any material using a pentacle, or else surround it by inverted crosses, just to make our intentions clear.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

This just in: have you heard about Jesus? So have we.

Someone called the hotline wanting to tell us about jesus. We are already quite familiar with jesus, and have rejected the ideal of self-sacrifice he represents. But just in case you haven't heard, you can call these people and be "saved"

Just in case the number in the message doesn't work, the number they called from is 330-536-3802

Friday, May 18, 2012

Curse your enemies

Do you have enemies? Wouldn't revenge be sweet? What could be sweeter than letting them know they've been cursed?

Now you can easily notify your enemies that you have placed a curse on them and decide whether to let them make reparations, change their ways, or simply remain eternally cursed.

This enemy-cursing kit can be yours absolutely free. Just send a self-addressed stamped envelope to:

ATTN Enemies Dept.
Satanic Missionary Society
PO Box 11753
Olympia WA. 98508


For a limited time only:

Act now and get FOUR curse notification cards instead of three! (For a limited time only while supplies last)


Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Make your own Satanic cards and flyers. Follow us on Tumblr

Not finding our cards and flyers anywhere? Think you could do better than our choices of paper and presentation? Check out our new tumblr blog for 600dpi artwork you can use to make your own Satanic propaganda:

Do whatever you want with this art, as long as it's diabolical.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Join us!

Other Satanic organizations will charge you up to $200 for a membership. They will also ask you for personal details to judge whether or not you meet their standards.

We are different. We believe that anyone who wants can proudly call herself or himself a Satanist. All we seek in our members is a desire to share the Dark Gospel. A SATANIC MISSIONARY SOCIETY MEMBERSHIP IS ABSOLUTELY FREE AND UNCONDITIONAL!

If you believe you have what it takes to join in our Unholy Mayhem, then just send us a Self Addressed Stamped Envelope, and we will send you this hand-crafted, attractive set of not just one, but FOUR official membership cards, so you can continue to share this profane vocation with friends and family.

We don't even collect any personal details. Satan is in your heart, and knows whether you are a Satanic Missionary or not. Once we have sent you your membership cards in the self-addressed envelope you supplied us, we have no record of your existence. Only Satan knows what diabolical purpose you have in mind for your membership in our Society.

To receive your membership cards, send a Self Addressed Stamped Envelope to

ATTN Membership Department
Satanic Missionary Society
PO Box 11753
Olympia WA  98508

We currently CANNOT accept monetary donations of any kind, and can only accept envelopes stamped with US Postage ($0.45 US, $0.85 Canada and Mexico, $1.05 everywhere else) or unstamped envelopes accompanied by an International Reply Coupon. We are also unable to accept requests for membership cards over the phone or by e-mail as we need a self-addressed stamped envelope to use for delivery to you.


Important update for people outside the United States:
Since you cannot easily obtain US Postage to send us, we can also accept International Reply Coupons, which you can get from the post office in your country. Unfortunately, many countries have stopped selling these (notably the UK and India). If you are unable to obtain an International Reply Coupon to send us, don't worry, we're still committed to enrolling you in our Unholy Society. Please just send us anything interesting and wicked from your country that is small enough to fit in an envelope and we will accept this in lieu of return postage. (We still need a self-addressed envelope from you)
Here is more information about International Reply Coupons:
And here is a list of countries that sell them:

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

New diabolical design

This just in from our minions:

"We are legion. We have a new satanic flyer design to share. We won't make as many of these as the others because this is a very labor-intensive process. But we will strategically place these where they will be appreciated. We labor for the glory of the Dark Lord! Hail Satan!"

So keep an eye out. Maybe you'll find them before the self-righteous holy ones destroy them.