Saturday, August 24, 2013

Official Satanic Product Catalog

Behold! The Official Satanic Missionary Society Product Catalog is AVAILABLE NOW! Supplies are EXTREMELY LIMITED! There are only TWELVE of these! Order yours before THEY ARE ALL GONE!

Get it here for only $199.99!

Nine unholy leaves of black to lure you with all Satan has to offer!
Would you judge this book by its cover?
Original Sins are always best!
Use only genuine Satanic Candles in all your rituals!
We have Pocket Demons priced for every budget!
Satanic Mind Control has never been easier or more affordable!
We offer indulgences for all your favorite sins!
Share the power of Satanic prayer with these items!
It's NEVER a bad time to witness with these bottled messages!
We offer Satanic services as well!
The number to call: 512-33-SATAN!

Sunday, August 4, 2013

We can help you get the best deal for your soul!

Have you been thinking of selling your soul to Satan? Let us get the best deal for you! For the incredibly low price of only 666 small pieces of imitation silver (dimes, that is) we'll send you everything you need to sell your soul to the Prince of Darkness!

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Message in a bottle

Now sharing the Dark Gospel is easier than ever! Who can resist a message in a bottle? Stock up on these so you're never at a loss for how to start a conversation about Satan with friends and strangers!  There are three different models to choose from, priced for every budget! Why let the godly be the only ones to annoy people? These bottled Satanic messages are far more seductive than Chick tracts could ever be! Get yours today, exclusively in our on-line shop! Hail Satan!

Infernal bottled messages!  Get them here:
These bottles are clearly a bargain:
Remember to pray to Satan!